A stretched-out heart

Sometimes God brings us into situations that are unexpected and difficult.  Then sometimes He surprises us by providing the strength and abilities to handle far beyond what we believed we could manage.  That's what happened this past week when I agreed to be the lead teacher for a VBS class for kindergartners at our church.

I have taught children (and college students which are sometimes like large children) in various capacities over the past 15 years but have never taught VBS before.  I found myself in charge of a group of about 18 six-year olds for 3.5 hours daily for five days.  Thankfully, I volunteered alongside at least one and usually two other wonderful teachers who made the week possible with their hard work and dedication.  Almost all of the kids in our class were visitors who we had never met before and knew very little about.  We should have known we were in for a busy week when one of the students came to me repeatedly on Monday asking "Have I had good behavior?".


Over the course of the week I was blessed to become better acquainted with this group of kids; some more so than others.  A handful of my little friends were kids that would likely be considered by many teachers as having "behavior problems" of various kinds.  There were troubles with following directions, listening, treating other children kindly, having patience and cooperating. Now I'm not talking about the kind of issues that would naturally occur on a daily basis in the world of every elementary school child. There was a clear difference between the kids that had a natural tendency to willingly do what was asked of them and the few children that seemed to be looking for a way to require extra attention and instruction.  This naturally made for some hiccups in the daily routine but I am blessed to be a part of a church that considers VBS an opportunity not only for fun and learning about Jesus, but also to simply show love to kids that need it.  During the process my fellow leaders and I learned that nearly all of our students who needed extra direction and time from us were also in living situations that are not entirely stable.  Now I am not talking about anything that would require intervention of any kind because that would have been a reason to raise the red flag.  We had some young children living in foster care or in homes affected by divorce or absent parents; children who had more on their plate to deal with than kids who have always lived in a home with both of their parents present and actively involved in their upbringing.

 I have worked with children in less than ideal living situations before, while working as an outdoor education teacher, but never with the intention of simply showing them love even when their behavior makes them difficult to love.  Unexpectedly, and much to my surprise, this week I found that somehow my ordinary little heart had room to truly love all 18 of those sweet little people.  In the midst of tears and tantrums, drama and ugliness, shouting and bouncing and climbing and pig piles; I found the ability to love and enjoy every one of those kids.  This was only possible through the grace and power of God.  I gave hugs, held hands, talked it out, bucked them up, whatever it took.  (Did I mention I'm not much of a touchy-feely kind of person?)  I mess up all the time when it comes to loving my own children but this past week Jesus decided that he would help me to do better with my VBS kids and I am just blown away.

Now I sit here exhausted, but honestly I am kind of sad.  Sad because I know that when it comes to most of those kids, I will likely never see them again and I hope and pray that God will make everything ok for them.  I would love to have them back again (maybe just 1 or 2 at a time!) to ask how they are doing and see their sweet faces; but I don't think that will happen.  So I am left with the feeling that my heart was stretched so big this week that now it is sore, misshapen and rather empty.  And I wonder now who learned more, me or the kids?  God brought home to me the fact that children do the things they do for a reason, even if they don't know exactly why.  When my initial reaction is to stop the problem behavior, maybe I am the one who needs to take a step back and find out what is causing the behavior.  That sometimes following the rules takes a backseat to loving other people.  Most of all this week I learned that our capacity to love others is really only limited by our willingness to try.

That's not a couch around your neck.

This is a phrase I heard in Sunday school this week and I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

I, like probably many of my friends out there, often struggle with feeling frustration and sometimes just plain old anger with difficult situations in life.  Not just in my life but also in the lives of my friends and family.  Why does it seem like our best laid plans always fall apart?  Why is it so hard to get our lives "in order"?  Why does life seem so exhausting and uncomfortable and relentless at times?  The earth that we call home is indeed full of beauty and wonder, love and joy, hope and laughter; but these things are often fleeting moments of life.  They surprise us out of the blue like a stunning sunset, we wait expectantly for them like Christmas morning or the visit of a long unseen friend, and sometimes we simply fall relieved and grateful into them when we gather to sit and chat with those who understand us best.  But there is of course another side to the coin of life; one that brings fear and pain, sadness and loss, struggles of all kinds.

I appreciate pragmatism and I agree with those who would say life can't always be smiles and good times.  We have to work for the things that we want and need and anything worthwhile should require a significant effort.  But why is it friends that most of us have a desire not simply for good enough but for perfection (in our own minds anyway) in nearly everything we see and do when we should logically know that 99% of the time that is probably not going to happen?  Most parents don't simply wish for their children to turn out pretty ok and have a mostly alright life.  If we have our choice of a place to live we look for more than just a simple roof over our heads.  No, we want the tile floors, double vanities, crown molding and a lazy boy chair for good measure.  Heck many of us are slathering lotions and make up on every day in an effort to make our own faces look just a little bit closer to perfect.  Why do we do these things?  Why are we always looking for that one more thing that will make life happy?  All I need is a better job, a bigger house, to pay off the bills, to lose a little weight and then life will be great.  Then after those things have been achieved they pale in comparison to the next big thing.  We want comfort, peace, love and to enjoy life but more often than not our days are filled with discomfort, arguments, hurt and difficult situations.



Can I just share with you some of my former distorted visions of how life will unfold?  Nearly two years ago I joyfully became a stay at home mom to three amazing kids under the age of seven.  I envisioned finally being able to keep the house clean, cook all of our food from scratch, finish up those baby books (yes, all three!), knit sweaters for the entire family...well, you get the point.  I'll give my other veteran SAHM buddies a chance to pick themselves up off the floor and dry their tears of laughter now.  Fast forward to today and I call it a success if you can walk to the couch without stepping on toys and we eat all three of our meals at home.  Don't you dare ask about the baby books and the sweaters.  Maybe some of you can relate, or maybe I am just not cut out for this super-mom thing.

So why the disconnect?  Are our hearts and minds just not cut out for life in this world?  I believe that they were not.  We were designed for a place that none of us here on earth have ever seen.  Our hearts yearn for the happy ending because that is where God invites us to dwell after our days on earth are used up.  So what ARE we doing here anyway??  


"That's not a couch around your neck."  It was in reference to the common practice among Christians of wearing a cross necklace and how often times we do this without really thinking about what it means.  The cross was originally an instrument of torture and death, the closest comparison that I can actually fathom is an electric chair.  *cringe*  But to Christians it represents something so much more.  Our gateway to freedom from death and sin, hope, God's great love for us, our security in Christ.  That doesn't even begin to fully describe it, but friends the symbol of the cross should also remind us that Jesus spent much of his adult life on earth suffering in one way or another.  As an adult he didn't really have a permanent home, he probably didn't have much in the way of belongings besides the clothes on his back, his closest friends didn't understand him until after he died and he was persecuted and died because of his beliefs.  In our culture that life is basically akin to a homeless person.  We have no evidence that Jesus complained of this lifestyle and I daresay he didn't spend much time sitting on a couch.  If you profess to be a Christian, this is your example.  As believers we will endure suffering of one kind or another, it is a part of life as sure as breathing.  We don't get a choice in whether suffering will come our way, we can only choose how we will respond to it.  In my own experience (which is admittedly limited) difficult times make us so much more grateful for the good things in life.  Even when I see someone else hurting or struggling I am reminded how precious life really is and that so many of our daily problems are pretty trivial.  When we suffer well, when we turn to God and trust that He will honor our hurt and pain, our struggles cause us to stretch and grow beyond what we ever thought we were capable of.  The cross reminds us that suffering and struggling can produce something so much more than a life spent on comfy couches.